When you ask me what it was like to go to the "American Idol" finale live, I will tell you:

1. There's a person -- "the warm-up guy" -- who actually wants to be Ryan Seacrest.

2. We are old. But not without spirit.

3. Celebrities on the down-low try to pretend they're just hanging out at the mall, but we know that what they really want is to catch a glimpse of Constantine like the rest of us. I'm talking to you, Lisa Rinna.

4. Yeah, the Kodak Theater is in a mall. (The photo I wish I took: An adjacent Origins store, advertising "Get your American Idol makeover here!")

5. Scott Savol's bodyguard doesn't like taking pictures.

6. You won't remember everyone's name -- and neither will the after-party's bouncer.

7. Don't arrive without your signs.

8. Vonzell's daddy's teeth aren't entirely gold.

9. My hair idol is teenyteenytiny in person, but still, with great hair. I think she likes Bryan.

10. When you see Randy Jackson at "Revenge of the Sith" four days later, he'll look incredibly tired.