My car received a death threat this morning. Under the right wiper was an envelope holding the following message, scrawled in what surely must be mass-murderer handwriting:

"Please do something about your alarm or we'll help someone take your car!"

And then, for good measure, on the reverse side:

"We will be glad to see it go!!!"

First of all, I have a car alarm?! Second of all, does "take your car" mean steal your car, in which case do I get the insurance money? And third of all, what did my car ever do to you, you mass-murderer? "We will be glad to see it go," like it's been the scourge of the neighborhood since we moved here in September.

Harumph.

Watching the Super Bowl was fun, even though everyone was pretty bummed that the Raiders lost. What I'm wondering right now is, what happens to the thousands of pre-produced t-shirts that say "Oakland Raiders, Super Bowl XXXVII Champions" on them? Naturally the Bucs players are wearing theirs already... I find it odd that you never see someone wearing a t-shirt with the wrong result on it. Or do you?

Things I Am Suspicious Of, Volume II

1. "Honey"-"Nut" Cheerios
2. My United frequent flyer miles
3. The failure of the US government to classify MSG as a addictive narcotic
4. 3.2 megapixels
5. The little tag on J Crew sweaters that should be removed before wearing
6. The Hollywood Miracle Diet
7. Hair conditioners that are still called "creme rinse"
8. The deal on a new lease my VW "sales manager" is trying to lay on me
9. Microsoft's stock split
10. Corbin Bernsen

Sequels are never as good as the original, but hey, we try. We try.

I always totally forget how totally gross Total Recall is. Totally gross!

I'm a big believer in never going home again. Those magical times when everything just falls into place are just so hard to recreate that usually, I stay away from even trying.

So you can imagine my concern when we decided it was finally time to go back to The Mint. I mean, this the place I used to call my soulmate bar! The scene of so many, many crimes of musical passion. Don't you remember when we used to go, like, every weekend? When "Country Roads" was practically my nickname? When the KJ once chastised us for being "late," and my east coast friends started to fear for my sanity? When I was the kind of person who would leave Bryan lying on the curb to see Heather sing "Heartbreaker"?

Well, it had been a whole 7 1/2 months since our last visit to the infamous stage, and on Saturday night, we made our return. I was nervous and it did feel weird -- until beer #3 and "Because the Night" were behind me. Then, it was pretty damn fun. And while we all agreed that Saturday wasn't the best Mint night ever, it was a solid evening and I'm just so relieved to learn that sometimes, things can be just how you remember. With the exception of some new Dave Matthews numbers in the songbook.

Plus, Mike sang Whitesnake, and that was really cool.

Hi blog, I miss you.

Girls everywhere, listen up! I have been inside the inner circle, and I have returned to tell the tale: What do boys talk about when we're not around, like at bachelor parties or, say, playoff football games? Well. the list looks something like this, not necessarily in the following order:

1. Public drunkeness
2. Farting
3. Penis size
4. College escapades
5. Bodily functions
6. Various sex acts
7. Howard Stern

I know, it's sort of a disappointment (with the exception of #7, of course.) But don't tell me you're really surprised.

Oh yeah, and the 49ers game was pretty damn amazing too.

And finally: J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!

I do love the football, if not the boy-talk.