Things I Am Suspicious Of, Volume I

1. The fact that my Kraft Singles are forming hard, transparent edges after only 7 days in the fridge
2. Whether or not the drycleaner is really cleaning my clothes before returning them to me on hangers
3. My insatiable addiction to Crystal Geyser Juice Squeeze, flavor Key Lime
4. 25,000 mile tune-ups
5. "Instant" anything (e.g. instant coffee, instant weight loss, instant messenger)
6. My laughter at this creepy-weird show last night
7. The authenticity of Justin Guarini's nose
8. That this is a news story

Volume II forthcoming.